Couples with a great sex-life: these are their 8 habits

There is such a thing as next level sex. And then I'm talking about that sex where you feel satisfied on every level and you dare to show everything about yourself, let go of the world around you and enjoy each other to the deepest of your fibers. You often feel it with new loves when you're still in that honeymoon phase where the butterflies flutter around freely and you can't get enough of each other. How blissful life is, literally! If you ask me, the quality of sex in a relationship is one of the keys to having a good relationship. In the end, good sex is mainly about good communication and not so much about having the right sex skills at home. Anyone who has ever been in a long relationship knows the feeling of a sex dip right after that honeymoon phase and it can sometimes be difficult to get out of it.

So today I'm taking you through 8 habits that can help you keep that fire alive between you and your partner. 1. What does sex mean to you and your partner? Sex is of course much more than being physically busy with each other and it really goes much further than genital contact between partners. Sex is about feeling comfortable with each other, being intimate both emotionally and physically. Sex is basically anything that brings you closer together and then it can of course be anything you do with each other. Couples who enjoy sex intensely talk to each other about how to discover and stimulate everyone's sweet spots. And penetration is often not the most important here. It is about loving expressions, mischievous looks, expressions of lust. These are the things that show that things are all right between you and your partner sex-wise. And whether that is every day, week, month or once a year, it doesn't matter at all.

1. What does sex mean to you and your partner? 


Sex is of course much more than being physically busy with each other and it really goes much further than genital contact between partners. Sex is about feeling comfortable with each other, being intimate both emotionally and physically. Sex is basically anything that brings you closer together and then it can of course be anything you do with each other. Couples who enjoy sex intensely talk to each other about how to discover and stimulate everyone's sweet spots. And penetration is often not the most important here. It is about loving expressions, mischievous looks, expressions of lust. These are the things that show that things are all right between you and your partner sex-wise. And whether that is every day, week, month or once a year, it doesn't matter at all.

2. Know your sex classics

Knowledge is power and it's no different when it comes to sex. Couples who give their sex life a good grade are people who, in addition to communicating well, are also types who explore. For example, how does the human body work, what are erogenous zones, what are fun ways to challenge and stimulate each other, what are recommended sex positions and what about a new form of foreplay? These are all topics that you can find enough information about on the internet and can lead to more variety in your sex life and possibly more pleasure for both of you.

3. Touch is a super power!

The nice and pleasant is often in small things, such as touch. Couples with great sex use this to their advantage. A small touch, holding hands, snuggling or an intense unexpected kiss creates trust and strengthens the bond between partners. And don't forget touch as foreplay, such as a massage, tickling each other nicely. This helps to divert the focus from penetration and focus on being together and working the magic between you.

4. Listen to each other, without judging

It is one thing to have erotic fantasies, but actually expressing them goes a bit too far for many people. And there's really no need for that. Teach each other that talking about sex is normal, you do that by doing it often. Be open about what you want, what you like and especially what could be improved. Trust that you can tell each other everything, be a listening ear and a safe place to share your deepest desires.

5. Make time for sex

It is rare for partners to have the same libido and therefore it is natural that situations arise where one person makes sense and the other does not. Nothing weird about it at all, but sometimes it's very inconvenient and can even affect the relationship. A simple life hack can help you with this: schedule sex! I know, it may sound less erotic than you dreamed of your sex life, but scheduling sex with your partner can keep you from missing out on each other and who knows, a more like-minded libido. The nice thing about a sex date with your partner is that you can both look forward to it and that can be very exciting. In the run-up to the sex date, you can increase the anticipation by, for example, sexting, watching erotic movies or naughty foreplay.

6. Sharing is caring

Selfishness in bed and having good sex with your partner really don't go together. Sharing is caring, also in the bedroom. Partners who report enjoying sex with each other are people who enjoy spoiling their partner as much as receiving this pampering. You know the saying: if you're happy, so am I? That's how it works with sex. A lot of people with great sex lives are those who really enjoy seeing their partner enjoy it. So it's about experimenting with each other's pleasure and getting to know each other's body and mind well. Learn what your partner likes, but also what they like. If your partner is curious about role-playing games, join in and discover what the pleasure is for you here. Or what do you think of BDSM? Maybe this is new to you, but you can always try; who knows what it will bring you. In any case, it is of great importance that there is always consent. To create and maintain the deep connection with your partner, trust is the most important thing.

7. Discover sex toys with your partner

In our store in Amsterdam I get people every day who take their first steps in a sex shop. That is already quite a threshold and if that is just too far fetched for you, I advise you to just browse online. You don't have to go straight to the sex toys, but how about a lubricant with a special effect? Or a sex pillow to support your sex positions? There are a lot of different sex toys, start simple and build from there. Find out what you both like, maybe even with a sex toy that is especially fun for couples to discover together? Sex toys or accessories that increase your pleasure in bed can give a nice boost to your sex life and it is always good and fun to broaden your horizons.

8. Orgasm is really NOT the goal!

Personally, I think it's a very old-fashioned, but very ingrained, notion that sex should always end with an orgasm. Couples who experience great sex with each other indicate that by not focusing on the orgasm, sex is more intimate and intense: it's about the journey, not the destination! Sex isn't a sprint, it's a marathon. Connect with your partner, enjoy each other's presence and the logical consequence of that can be an orgasm, but that is absolutely not a must. This way you take the pressure off and you can really connect with each other.